Traxlers

Almost a month since I posted here. It is amazing how quickly life goes by. My life is pretty good right now. I am still happily in love with Larry. We just keep evolving into more of an us and we instead of a he and she. My girls are good moving right along through high school. They often get lazy(as do I) but I try to stay up on assignments, homework etc. A couple weeks ago we went to our friends ranch, we had a great time above are a few pictures. This weekend we are going to KC to see Larrys brother, Terry, and his family. I will post pictures next week. Until then........

Labor Day BBQ

We had our first official (as a couple) BBQ at Larrys house on Monday. We had a great time. I met Larry's sister and brother in law, my sister and her kids came, many of Larry's friends were there. Everyone had a good time, ate good food and had fab conversation.

I was so proud of Larry. He is such a gracious host. I am really looking forward to more entertaining with him. We work well together. My dad and his wife will be the next people we have over. They will be here on Saturday. I can't wait. I miss them soooo much. The icing on the cake is that get to meeet the man I love!

Trying to Blog More

Larry informed me it was 20 days between postings. Apparently that is toooo long. I am going to try to post more. I think he just likes to read all the nice things I say about him when I blog. Maybe he could reciprocate! We had a great conversation last night. There are so many things to discuss when you are seeing a future in your relationship. Being on the same page or understanding what page your partner is on is sooo important. Some of the things I ask about are a little uncomfortable for Larry, but he graceiously conversates with me. Loving me throught it all. He does'nt ask the same questions of me. I'm not sure if he jsut does'nt think about it or if I just ask first and cover all the bases. My big fear is that when he does start asking questions of me I won't have all the answers. I know i'll have answers, but right answers???? I am really excited about the direction this relationship is going. Larry is my forever!

Life Changes quickly, Just three weeks ago the kids and I were in the midst of summer. Enjoying lazy days and warm summer nights. We were involved with church and youth group activites, getting BBQ burns and shopping for school clothes........ Well in a matter of weeks that has turned into rushed mornings, homework, ROTC activities, football games etc..... My girls are Marines! WOW, Lonnje seems more excited about it than KiKi, she goes on and on about Gunner this and Epps that. I am happy for her. Kassadee has embraced the French language, she is just as at home with her Au Revoir, and Bon Saus as she is with Good bye and Good Afternoon. I am still in Love, I guess I should establish that I will stay in love forever, thats my plan. I love my time with Larry. His arms are my new comfy sweater. In his arms is where I am most content. Looking at his face is my favorite pastime. His lips are my new candy. I adore him. So other than Love and homework there is not much to say. We are happily trudging along. Garrett too. Oh yeah, My dad is coming next week. I know he'll love Larry too.

Happiness Rocks!

My goodness I am happy when I am with Larry. Just how happy I had no idea until he had to leave town for 5 days for the Nazarene KC District Assembly. We have been spending an amazing amout of time together and the time we spend for me is amazing. I know I said this in previous posts but he is my lazy Sunday afternoon. My comfort zone. God's hand is definately in this relationship. A Relationship, that is what we have, for me it has been so long, for him this is a first, never anything this serious or long term. WE both have baggage, but two entirely different sets. I sent pictures to my best friend, she said"Wow, you look great" I ran into a friend in the market she said"Whats going on with you, you look wonderful!" Well, I have to say Larry is what is going on with me., I have to say Thank you Larry for putting a sparkle in my eyes, a bounce in my step, love in my heart. For building with me a relationship with a firm foundation of Love and Trust~Friendship and Respect~Comfort and Stability. Thank you for bringing out the best in me, for seeing what's right with me, for putting up with what's wrong with me. Thank you for loving my kids and wanting them to be a part of your world. For considering their feelings and wanting happiness for them. Thank you for giving me the confidence to me, baggage, warts, scars, princess moments and all. Thank you for being the man that for the first time in my life, makes me see my future clearly without fear and worry. Thank you for being my incentive too. I love everything you are!

Status Change

So I'm at Larry's house and I see that he has changed his relationship status on his Facebook page to "IN A RELATIONSHIP". wow. That makes me "IN A RELATIONSHIP" WOW. I am soooo ok with this. I can't wait for all the people I love to meet him. He's Great, now the fact that he calls himself The Great One, has nothing to do with me saying that, as a matter of fact, I dont want him to know I said he was great because it will go straight to his head. So let me change that, he is extremely acceptable. He's smart, and funny, and he gets me which in itself is amazing. Whats a girl to do, i'll tell you. I'm going to enjoy every minute of every minute I get to spend with him. I'm going to keep being happy, and keep trying to make him happy and drive all the miserable people who think all our happiness in annoying MAD! I might even get him to kiss me one day.

Where did he come from

So I guess I'm dating. Let me explain, I have gone out with Larry a couple of times. I have a great time when we are together! When we are not i think about him! Not like stalker obession ~more like random thoughts. I am trying to wrap my mind around this renewed feeling in my life. I have spent so much time working on being aware of myself and my feelings that he just sort of quietly and easily slipped in. He wasn't an earth shattering quake, or a drowning tidal wave. Was was like the gentle rocking of a boat on a lake. Soothing, comforting, relaxing. He's like rocking on the porch swing, He's a lazy Sunday afternoon. Not something you wait for with anticipation, just something you don't want to end. This is all new for me. I tend to bulldoze my way thru things, but this something, I am quite content to be patient for. To let it just be what it is..... The lake, the porch swing, the Sunday afternoon. Whatever this is, I like it. The new patient, content Christina. The woman comfortable with who she is. The woman confindent, controlled and content. I'm glad Larry met this Christina. I'm glad I met the man Larry is today. God's plan. Maybe we'll even work our way up to holding hands.

Low Energy

I'm real low energy today. I am trying to be perky but I guess I'll have to leave that to Katie Couric today. I am really aware of the ugliness in people today. Not the physical but the uglyness in personality. I have been treated rudely by at three people today and it isnt even lunch time yet. I will be really busy over the next few days so this is just a little hello post until next week.

I'm tired. Kassadee says I look puffy. Just what every middleaged woman wants to hear. That they Look 'PUFFY' not in the rapper that can't decide on a name sense, but in the "you look like you havent slept for days there for your eyes have these huge sagging bags under them sense!" I have to admit that I have been very busy lately. I spend alot of time doing volunteer work at church and the summer tends to be the busiest. I love what i do at the church though. I will admit that the Teen Yard Sale this weekend feels more like hard work than fun but the proceeds will make a huge difference in the teens ministry, so there i'll be, sunburned and smiling lovin watchin the kids do their thing. Other than alot of church activities, i havent done much but work. I did go out to the movies with Larry last Friday. I had a good time. He is so easy to be around. We saw Evan Almighty. It was a good movie. We went bowling with the teens on Sunday night, that was a good time. Larry bowls about as good as I do. Which is bad! It was fun to laugh and have a good time with him. Cathy and Ramona will be thrilled!

Stuff

Fireworks Coffee talk Worship Praise Paddle Boats Bonfires Smiles Butterflies Long Walks Conversation Evan and Wanda Laughter Blogs Bowling Excitement Loneliness Porch Swings Pizza Night Happiness Closeness Fairlawn Friendship Forever

Check out my Slide Show!

Check out my Slide Show!

Open Letter to my new Sista!

I found out about you 20 years ago and I loved you instantly. You opened a whole new insight to the woman whom we shared a womb. She took her knowledge of you to the grave, but God, in his awesome wisdom, let us hear the news. There were more of us, not just 5 but 6. A missing piece to our family mosaic. I5 years, that's how many years I spent looking for you. Searching, writing, talking, praying, begging for just a morsel. So many possibilities, same city, same day, wrong sex. Same sex, wrong day, same city. Message Boards, adoption search engines, hospital records, road blocks, road blocks, road blocks. Then came the call, Carmen, our sister had made a connection with SOMEONE! Someone in the know. I cried, and cried, and cried. My daughters thought someone was dead. Carmen thought(a most nurses would) I would need sedation. Tell me! Everything! Where is she! Who is she! Whats her name! Telll MMEEE! TELLLL MMMMEEEEE!!!! TEEEEELLLLL MMMMEEEEE!!!! I can wait, me hardly. I want what I want when I want it and I WANT MY SISTER!!!! Carmen says about three weeks, court petitions, permission, yada yada yada! How ridiculous, we are all adults. We all agreed to meet. WE WANT OUR JERRY SPRINGER MOMENT!!! Let me just say this:

• I am so excited to meet you.
• I am here for you, forever.
• You are beautiful.
• I will do my best to be patient, to answer your questions, respect your wishes(ask our sisters and brother how hard that one will be for me)

You are a gift I will treasure. Thank you for opening yourself to meeting us. Thank you for giving us answers to questions that we thought we might not ever get to ask. Thank you for giving us a chance to see our Mom in abstract again. Thank you for giving us a reason to open the Mom dialogue again. The opportunity to remember the great things about her, not just that shes dead. That she laughed and hugged and sang. That she loved you enough to let you go and that God loved us each enough to bring you to us again. That we are family, that we will become a family, with the spirit of our beautiful brown haired, blue eyed mother angel as our nucleus.

The signs of Aging

The signs of Aging, when do we finally succumb to them, when do we stop thinking we look like this person or that person? When do we finally realize, WE ARE OLD? I'll tell you when. WHEN WE, THINKING HOW FUN THIS WILL BE BE, BUY OURSELVES A STUPID DIGITAL CAMERA FOR OUR BIRTHDAY! What was I thinking, did I not know how bad it had gotten or was I in denial? Baggy eyes, blothy skin, double, triple chin, thinning hair? Who is this old lady that I keep taking pictures of. Surley not me. Aging is a scary thing. Emotionally and physically. I moan when I step oput of bed in the morning. Not for need of coffee, but because I get this terrible pain in the heel og my Left foot. I dread the cold (I get stiff) hate the heat( hard to breathe) I can clearly remember not too long ago never feeling any of the affects of age. They say there is hope for me, it's not too late to turn it around. Tomorrow I'll give it a try. (If it's not too cold.)

My New Camera

I bought myself a digital camera. The pictures arent great but I am working on them. Stay tuned for more images to come.

Poem

He jumped on a Grenade How many did he save A life full of hope cut short Only 19 years old Not even an old soul A life of hope cut short How do you tell his mother His father and Brother A life of hope cut short Our leader shed a single tear His Country cried 4 wasted years A life of hope cut short Our Father is the heavens Welcomed NO more fearful nights to come His life left us full of Hope

I'm a mother~ Hear me Roar

Do you ever think you can't answer another question~ that if one more little face asks you an impossible question your going to scream? Well I have, as my children were growing they would come up with some amazing questions~ Which of course led to more questions which prompted their siblings to ask questions~ Which led to arguments about questions~ Which led mother to SCREAM! I didn't actually scream at the children(all the time) on good days I went to my room to scream in my pillow or to the shower to scream(and sometimes choke) under the shower spray. I discovered this morning why I felt so overwhelmed at times by all the questions. Now let me explain that I discovered this while going through the question barrage this morning with my now adolescent child. I discovered the reason for my lack of patience is because~ DRUM ROLL ~ I DON'T KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS!!! Can you imagine my shock as the clarity encompassed my mind. When did this happen, when did I not become the all knowing~ all seeing~ super intelligent~ UBerMOM? How could this be? Have others known all along? Are my children figuring this out? Where is the justice? I'll tell you, I may not have all the answers, but I know where to find them. In a leather bound book on my nightstand~ In the promise of the rainbow~ In a still soft voice that speaks to me when I remember to listen~ In the knowledge he gives to my lovely ladies that I have been blessed to know who lucky for me share their knowledge with me~On the Cross~ No, I may not have all the answers, but aren't my children lucky I know the Truth?

The "F" Word

My son used the "F" word today and no I don't mean fat. Now you must remember that he is 19 and has the legal right to say whatever he wants. But he is my son and my law says "H" word NO! At least not in front of me. I think I was 30 before I cursed in front of my dad and at 38 I still (out of respect for him as well as myself) do not curse in front of him. Why does using crude language make us think that we are getting our point across better? Does using vulgarity get our point across stronger? Do you belive someone who says "I am F-ing Mad" is angrier that someone who says "I am Mad"? I know that I have spewed crass words at many in my life, I still do on occasion. But in 2007 I plan to get my point across more effectively by being Graceful. I wonder how my son would would feel if I asked him to do the same?

It's a Small World

Well, it's offical, I HAVE NO LIFE! My world has gotten entirly too small. Work, Family, Church. Repeat, repeat,repeat. I am on a mission! My mission should I choose to accept it, (OK I accept it, I created it). Develope a life of my own. Find a hobby, meet new people, GET ACTIVE. One of the first things I have started is my blogging! I have been on blogger since 2005 and have not published much. My blogger goal is 4 a week. This was a short week so I'm ok with the three. I'm open to suggestion. Does anybody out there have a hobby they love? Let me know!

Love My Ladies

I love my Ladies, by this I mean the group of women in my life that lift me up. Most of them are from my church, but I have the "others" as well. How important it is for us as women to surround each other, form a circle, and love and support each other. Last night at my Womens bible study one of my ladies put it best. She described the scene at her lake the other night. What caught her eye was a huge beautiful Eagle soaring around her lake, he was swooping and diving for fish or other nourishment, just a beautiful sight. All of this changed suddenly as he went toward some Geese that were on the lake, the beautiful bird turned into an attacking predator. He was diving at and attcking the Geese with his powerful talons. Up and down he went, why she did'nt know as they are not normally enemies. The Geese did the most amazing thing. They formed a circle, a tight circle, with necks to the center and turned down. A circle of protection, guarding each other, so close that the Eagle could not penetrate them. After a few minutes of evaluation he decided to move on and when the Geese sensed his departure, they went their separate ways. How wonderful would it be if we responded to the attacks in our lives the same way. If when we or one of our Ladies were in trouble, we formed a tight circle of protection. Arms around each other until the danger passed. Keeping one another safe or at the least protected from what ever predator is seeking to harm them. I am going to try, in 2007, to be part of a circle of protection for the women in my life. To let them know I will always have arms to wrap around them, a prayer to send up for them, an ear or a hug, protecting them until the danger passes.

Garrett

I had an interesting 2006 and I hope to have a great 2007. I don't make resolutions but I do have in mind a few things I would like to accomplish in the next twelve months. In a few weeks my life will change dramatically, my oldest child and only son Garrett will be moving to California to work with my father and brother. He was raised there until he was twelve so he knows where he is going, I'm just not sure he knows who he is. He is a great kid with a strong since of justice. He definately wants the scales in his life balanced. I hope that my father will teach him the best he has to offer. Garrett also still requires encouragement and guidance, I know he needs to learn to be a man, but he will always be my son. I know how the motivate him and comfort him, it will be interesting to see how my father does in taking over this role. he is such a wise man and I am greatful for the energy he wants to give to his Grandson. Garrett can only learn and grow and benefit from this experience. Lets just hope Mom survives.